Tuesday, April 18, 2006
small nicholas just sent me animation medley.
everytime i listen to the castle in the sky part, i can't help but start to get lost in memories of my band life in cgs.
i remember during our graduating concert, mr lee himself conducted laputa. the same mr lee who brought cgssb to her glory within just 3 years of establishment? hmm. i remember everytime we went out after performances, wearing just the band skirt, we were bound to meet people who recognized where we were from. "crescent band? i know your band." and we'd ask "wahh how you know cgssb?" then "long before your time"..begins. strangely enough, i never got tired of listening to how mrs chua's, ms low's and other pioneering batches instilled such awe within the music community back then.
so even though we're not even half as good as we were back then, we werestill very proud of wearing our band uniform. it didn't matter how fat the vest/scottish the skirt/toot the high socks/mismatched the black stockings made us look.
naturally, we all got very attached to our uniforms. my set saw me through 2 syfs and countless performances. my uni was a constant in my band life. it, and my clarinet. F501462, see i still remember your name :D
when i first took over my section, i was strict, torturous, quite scary? so the juniors all ahh why you so strict, band sucks, sl sucks, seniors so evil. tissue frm my first crying for the section was kept in the left vest pocket. then my classmate dropped me an encouraging note. also left vest pocket.
learnt to love my section, and show care and concern beyond just band music matters. somewhere along the way i guess they started to like us/respect us quite a bit. then aiyah girls school, they started writing love letters. haha. all right vest pocket.
the last time i emptied my vest pockets, my uniform looked quite, well, sad.
you know seperation, envision your other half throwing your wedding ring into the sea. that kind of emptiness you'd feel. 'it's over.'
beyond just the literal, you know, pocket emptiness.
so anway, some people saw our band photo on the front page of my sajc band file, and said our uniform was ugly. and i was quite sad, cos that uniform was a part of me.
it might not exactly be beautiful, but it's one of those uniforms that gets you emotionally attached. i think even if i see my uniform 10, 20 years down the road, i'll still want to pick it up and hug it really very tightly. for a very very long time.
haha.
one of my strongest weaknesses now very evidently, is that i get attached to my band life very easily. especially to non living things.
maybe not exactly non living things, since music is alive.
i've gotten emotionally attached to my music, part, section, instruments, file, bandies.. and now our uniform's coming up.
it's a weakness. a huge weakness. but too bad it isn't a evaluated decision.
it's.. an unconditioned reflex.
i left my band file in the band room yesterday.
and today morning, i felt so unfinished. like forgot to bring bag or something.
hmm.
thanks nicky for sending me animation! as declared before, euu rock. (:
10:29 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Saturday, April 15, 2006
haiyo.
within what little time we have together, the more we get involved with little disagreements, the more we resurface the unbridged gap between different intakes, the more we seek to fulfill our self interests and not look towards the entire well being of the band..
the less time we have to enjoy what we came here for in the first place.
our band spirit.
i never dared fanthom that one day i'd be in such close proximity with a closely entwined band of dedicated members, actually knowing people inside the band and feeling my hairs prickle when they played. much less did i dream that one day i'd be part of such a family.
that's why i'm pressuring myself to work harder, to achieve a higher level of excellence. cos i know my time with sajc band obviously won't last forever, and i don't want to look back when we graduate, wishing i had done something more to make the memories more worthwhile.
these past few days during self prac, i just practiced parts that needed attention, then rested the clarinets and started to reflect. but now i realise that all that reflection during self prac was just a waste of precious time.
individuals shouldn't be spent that way. individuals used to be the most painful day back in crescent. and somehow i enjoyed that pain, because the next sectionals/combined practice i'd sound okay and i'd be free enough to look out for and take down notes for the section instead of wasting my time finding my own notes. individuals are supposed to be heeeeong. wanna reflect then wait till go home doing homework that time, put a mirror in front and
then reflect all you want right? don't anyhow allocate resources without considering first the opportunity costs.
on the topic of priorities.. i was just thinking
why spend so much time talking about how who doesn't like who, who hangs out with who, whos don't feel welcome around the other whos, who's so very noisy, etc. what good does it do? it evidently doesnt do anything to us intellectually. since we've gotta work together in the end, why cant we just put aside all distractions and work towards something more retroactive?
i know i'm still new in the band, not part of the core and i don't have much right to say so much.
but if you know me, you'll know that i don't intend to sow discord, criticize anybody in particular or act like i'm damn reflective so you guys won't refer to me so much as the crazy little retard.
all i want is to show that i do care, and i want as badly as you do to see this band succeed.
i'm okay, i'm still just as retarded.
i might be wanting to redevelop myself a little, but i won't totally go wacko or schizophrenic.
haha.
melodramatic.
like gonna die anytime like that. ):
stop looking happy. )):
happy easter.
i don't think i'm capable enough to make a difference in your lives.
graduating from cgssb really did do smth to me. ):
it's horrible to just stand around and watch cracks secretly forming in the foundations we've workind so hard to build.
i wish i could tell someone what i see.
8:17 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Monday, April 03, 2006
starting to miss 06s05. quite lag right, this only sank in after one whole month.
i regret not going for all the class outings. today during physics lecture elaine was sitting in front of me, then she suddenly turned around and said "you mummy very failure eh. never participate in all of our excursions". and me being me. "i need to recuperate after giving birth so many times lah! do i look like a guinea pig to you?" and of course she agreed.
so basically. i regret not spending much time with them.
cos what we shared there most definitely won't appear again in 06s04. the keepers of the library.
hmm.
feeling quite numb now. haven't felt this way for quite a long time la.
maybe i shouldn't try so hard to keep up with the class. it should be coming naturally right? given we're all around the same aggregate and everything. given 8 points is just 2 shy of 6. just 10 little marks. just 2 more marks a subject. anyway what used to be my strongest is now weakening my esteem.. chemistry. the tutorials are just flying in, piling up. rejecting so many of my solutions. physics isn't so bad. going almost by clockwork and not by interest though.
i've finally realised that no matter how i like chem, good grades won't just come without a certain iq benchmark. ms ho was right. maybe i just gotta sort out my thoughts and redirect my hidden brilliance.
haha.
it's gonna be okay.
8:35 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Sunday, April 02, 2006
BAND ORIENTATION.
haha. somehow it seemed more like a band outing to sentosa.
we had sectionals on impressions of japan first, then lunch with the usual bandies..
then back for our first orientation activity.. marshmallow stuffing contest?
haha. anyway, stuff lah. after 14 x"i'm a fuzzy bunny, yeahh.", i died.
not literally. surprisingly amk didn't win eh. neither did jj.
yisiong won. with his angmoh accented clearly articulated fuzzy bunnys. that walkover.. spoil market only. haha.
hafiz strangely resembled eminem. a very fierce eminem.
nicole was the longest standing girl. super flexible cheeks. sia la. maybe she uses them to skydive or something.
so after all that we left 5th for sentosa. ran to the mrt.. caught the train just in time.. ran to the shuttle bus service and found we were the last to arrive. oh no. i have to be going soon.
so basically we ran around the entire island and ended up 2nd last.
hmm. then took a few pro photos at the twin towers. and called it another day.
sajc band rocks!
i'll re do this another time. ahhhh byebyeee.
oh. i feel really stupid today. haha. hope colin and nicole stays quiet. (:
till some other time. pam loves you many.
8:41 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
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